Crazy Bits!
by Crystaltears41090
Summary: Random oneshots from AUNon AU! Chapter 5: Rainbow Pride. A little KIND OF twist off of Rozefire's Dead Famous. How'd Inu get shot in the gay bar? Who shot him? Why did this happen in the first place!Well...we shall see...
1. GEICO

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha...durrr! (or Geico)  
  
!Crazy Bits!  
  
By Crystaltears41090  
  
One: GEICO  
  
Kikyo stood, her back facing Inuyasha. Tears streamed down her pale face.  
  
"What's wrong, Kikyo?" Inuyasha stood behind her.  
  
Kikyo sniffed loudly, "I just realized I love you, but as long as you are with that Kagome girl, we can never be together." She blew her nose into a soggy handkerchief.  
  
"Don't say that, Kikyo!! I have good news!"  
  
Kikyo sniffed even louder this time, "You're leaving Kagome?"  
  
"uh...No...I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."  
  
Kikyo sobbed louder and her tears fell to the floor. She started heading towards the door.  
  
"I saved! I thought that meant something to you!" Inuyasha said.  
  
Then his ears perked up as he heard Kikyo yelled, "You don't even have a car! That's decades from now!" The door slammed shut as Inuyasha watched Kikyo exit the room.  
  
Miroku and Sango moved into the room, "What the hell is a car?"  
  
Inuyasha shrugged, "I have no clue. Ever since I declared my love for Kagome and told her that I couldn't be with her cuz I couldn't break up with Kikyo she started writing some script from her world."  
  
Kagome walked into the room wiping her hand on a soft pink towel and said, "Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance."  
  
(Is that how the commercials go...I can't remember. I'm writing this for one of those strange spur-of-the-moments)  
  
The gang gave her a strange look and then shook it off, going back to whatever they were doing before.  
  
AN: Do you like? I have no idea when I'll update next though. See, this is how it works. I seem to have all these weird ideas that I'm putting into one whole story. Every time I update, I put the summary of the current chapter onto the summary place. And yadda yadda yadda. But my stories have no particular themes or pairings. It just is. They can be the inuyasha story, or it can be an AU. Whatever I feel, whatever I write. Please read and review this story!!! 


	2. How Kikyo became a slut in HS

AN: hehe...how kikyo became such a ditz/bitch/slut....or whatever in those highschool fics anywayz....everyone's strangely OOC...except for Kikyo....

Chapter 2: How Kikyo became a slut in HS

By Crystaltears41090

"Ah...NO!!!!!!! How could this happen??????!!!!!"

"Oh, Nobunga, you really do fret too much! Now what is wrong with you?"

"It's the Dodge...she's dying on me!!!" Nobunga broke down crying.

"Well, daddy, we could always buy a NEW car!" Kikyo said.

Nobunga, Kikyo's father, stopped to look at her. "Kikyo! Don't you remember all the good times we've had in this car?" Nobunga patted the Dodges metal fondly.

"Oh...I remember!"

The whole family stared into space with that type of "daydreaming" smile on their faces.

(Flashback) ((Kikyo...is like...7)

"Ah...hun, where are we going Nobunga?"

"To the supermarket."

"Kikyo...dear, what ARE you doing? Is that reading you're doing?" Kaede turned to look at Kikyo, "Nobunga...I'm worried about Kikyo...she's always got her head buried in some book."

Nobunga snorted, "I guess she never turned out like us...huh?"

"Mommy, daddy...did you know that Electrons behave like particles in some experiments, and like waves in others because the electron's 'wave/particle duality' has no real analogy in the everyday world. And the _quantum theory_ that describes the behavior of electrons is a cornerstone in modern chemistry. The Quantum theory can be used to explain why atoms are stable, why things have the color they do, why the periodic table has the structure it does, why chemical bonds form, and why different elements combine in different ratios with each other."

"Kaede...what the hell did that girl just say?"

"I don't have a clue Nobunga...but maybe you should pay a little more attention to her...Oprah says that lack of a father's attention can make her crave for the attention of the male species when she's older."

"Mommy! Daddy! Baby Naraku is touching himself!"

"Hehehe," Nobunga grinned, "It's alright Kikyo honey, it's just a phase he's going through."

"Watch out Nobunga!!!"

"Ahh!"

The car screeched to a halt.

"Oh, Kikyo dear, are you ok?"

Kikyo set down her book and looked around the car strangely. Then she looked down and saw something shiny on. "Oooooo...perty shoooeeeesss!"

(End Flashback)

The four of them all smiled at the memory.

DING DONG!

"Uh...I'm looking for a Mrs. Kaede Haksawgua?"

Kaede stood up and walked over to the mail man who was carrying a big cardboard box. She took the package from him and set it on the table.

"Well, I better get going to make an appointment for my Dodge with the car doctor" Nobunga said and stood up.

After he left. Kikyo and her mother opened the box, and lo and behold! There was a white plastic rectangular shaped object with buttons on the side that sat on the coffee table.

"OOOOOOooooooo! What is this?"

Mother and daughter circled around alien object.

"Honey! It's not doing anything! I think it's broken."

Kaede picked up the item and was about to toss it when Kikyo broke in, "Wait, wait, wait...I think I've heard of these things before. I think they're called...microwaves!"

Kaede set the "microwave" down and asked, "Well, what does it do?"

Kikyo put her finger on her head and thought for a moment, "Oh! I think you push these little buttons and then hot food comes out!"

So the two...extremely stupid "might-as-well-be-blondes" went over, plugged in the appliance, and started rapidly pushing buttons. "Hey! It's not working."

"Well, I'm pressing popcorn, but none's coming out!"

The two looked at it...then looked at each other...then looked back at the microwave. "Let's keep on pushing buttons."

In walked Naraku, the little brother in college.

"Hey, Naraku, come over here! This microwave thingy's broken, it won't give us any food." Kikyo pouted.

Naraku walked over, "Oh, you dimwit...you gotta put food in there first."

The three stalked over to the freezer...Naraku reached in and pulled out a.........turtle's body?

"Oh my god!!! It's Pooky! Mom! I thought you said Pooky died?"

"Oh...well...you see honey...Pooky had this HORRIBLE illness and the doctors were....searching for a cure...but Pooky didn't have much time, so we put him in the freezer to preserve him until the doctors found a cure." Kaede said quickly.

"Mom! Pooky doesn't have a head!"

"uh....well that's the illness was...um...no-head syndrome."

"Hey, ladies...are we gonna use the microwave or not?"

Kikyo and Kaede nodded.

Naraku fished around in the freezer, pulling out a small round frozen ball, "Ok, so here's a meatball. We come over to the microwave and put it in. Then we set the timer and when the timer dings, it means the food's ready."

After pressing the timer, they all looked into the microwave. Then.......Kikyo screamed. "Oh my god!!!!! That's Pooky's head!" Right after she said that...the head blew up.

Kikyo covered her eyes and tears leaked out of her eyes.

(a few days later)

"We are here for the mourning of dad's Dodge. It was his pride and joy. His love. Dad...would you like to say anything?" Naraku asked Nobunga. Nobunga sullenly took hold of a piece of paper and started saying something.

Naraku stood next to Kikyo. "I don't even understand why we're mourning."

"Well, I don't know about you, but it's the afternoon smarty pants." Kikyo said.

Naraku looked at her and rolled his eyes. Great...he had a stupid slut for a sister. What was he to do?

End of chappie!

That was quite interesting............................very interesting....hehehe


	3. Mario Party 3!

AN: HA!!!! Another inspiration! Even though this is a pretty stupid idea...but ok, w/e...I write what I wanna rite...hehe..i just read this summary that reminded me of me and devl41 playing Mario party 3...we are SO obsessed with that!

Crazybits!

By Crystaltears41090

Chapter 3-Mario Party 3!

-------------------------

"Ok, now, everyone, I invited you over to play...my favorite..............MARIO PARTY 3!" Kagome yelled.

"Ah my gawd! I love that game!" Sango squealed.

Inuyasha and Miroku looked over at the two....uh....psychotic freaks....I mean....girls.

"What are we playing again?"

"I think it's something like 'Hikari smarty pee.'" Miroku whispered back.

"What's that?"

"I dunno."

"So...what're we playin on?"

"N64!"

"Isn't that like an old game system? The IN things these days are xbox, gamecube, and PS2. Sheesh, get with the program will ya?" Inuyasha snorted.

"Hale Halo!" Miroku cried out.

"Oh...THOSE gaming systems? They're sooo lame. The originals are always the best!" Kagome proclaimed.

The two girls walked over to the N64 and plugged in four controllers. They handed them over to Inuyasha and Miroku. "Now, we play party mode, two on two. Me and Sango verse you and Miroku. Got that?"

"Keh! This'll be a piece of cake!" ok...so he was a little over exaggerating there...sure, he didn't even know WHAT he was playing...much less HOW to play it...but a game girl's liked couldn't be THAT hard...could it?

The four all sat down on the carpeted floor and Sango switched the machine on.

Yes! Time to pick the players.

As always...Sango picked Yoshi...the cutest little green dragon/lizard in the world (ok sue me...I don't know what yoshi is)

And as always...Kagome picked Luigi! (he is the BEST character ever...and peach and daisy r a bunch a weenies)

Miroku and Inuyasha were left to their own devices...how to pick a character...(ok...so I know no one's THAT stupid...but I can make them THAT stupid!)

Miroku clicked...and it landed on.......DAISY!!!!

"oooo, look! I'm the princess with the hot bod!! Yeah baby, ye-"

"Oh, shut up would you!?"

Inuyasha had no clue how to work the controlled...consequently...he picked peach...the little blonde chick with the crown and the pink dress and everything!

Kagome clicked...START..

"NO!!! I need to get a different person! I'm am NOT gonna be this...this...GIRL!!!!"

"Aww! Come on Inu! Be a good sport...Miroku's not complaining!"

"Ahem...Kagome, you DO realize this is Miroku we're talking about?"

"Hey, Inu, my man! You're player's pretty hot too!"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, "ok, ok...just start the stupid game would you?"

Alright! Let the games begin!

"We keep score on this sheet of paper...since me and Sango here wanna play OUR games."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"The games we've practiced FOREVER!"

"Ok, whatever."

"COSMIC COASTER!!! COSMIC COASTER!!!!!!!" Sango suddenly squealed jumping off the ground. It looked like she was...spazzing.

"YEAH!! Ok, ok..." Kagome was starting to get excited...and this was all too scary for the guys here...

Kagome clicked on the game. A screen came up with little bowser signs on the left, right, and center of a long railroad track lookin thing.

"Ok, guys, the objective of this game is to dodge the signs. The more you dodge the faster you go. And this is how you move your people." She slid her thumb over the little spinny thing and moved it left and right. "Now, if one of you hits it...it'll slow you down...and trust me...this will NOT be easy! You are facing...THE MASTERS!!!" Kagome boomed in an almighty voice. Hard to think that a girl of such a small frame could do that!

Kagome pressed start and the screen started counting down.

3!

"OK, SAME THING, SAME THING!!!!" Kagome yelled looking very concentrated.

2!

"OK!!! KAGS, WE GOTTA SCORE THE RECORD AGAIN! WE CAN'T HIT ANY!!!" Sango all but screamed.

1!

GO!

The two carts raced off...Kagome's player ran into one of the signs.

Kagome shrieked. "AHHH!!!! AGAIN! AGAIN!"

On the other hand....Miroku and Inuyasha weren't doing so well....

BAM!

SPLAT!

KERPLOOSH!

CRACK!

BANG!

BLING!

BONG!

POW!

BING!

The two guys were never-endingly hitting signs. "How the hell do you dodge these things!?"

"I have no clue!"

Meanwhile... "NO!!!! I JUST RAN INTO ONE!!!! AH!!! AGAIN AGAIN!!!"

(that...up there is seriously what me and devl41 are like...it's pretty scary)

Now...after about 10 rounds of this SAME game...Kagome and Sango finally reached their goal! They hadn't hit any.

The guys were laying back in a daze. "Oh god save me!!!"

"I think I'm in a world full of...WEASELS!" Miroku's voice suddenly went all high-pitched.

The girl's were too busy to notice though. Sango stood up and stretched, then sat back down, "Guys! We're gonna play another game now...It's our 2nd favorite! It's called...Eatsa Pizza!"

Kagome clicked on the game. A large pizza split in two showed up on the screen.

"Ok, you two! Here is the rules. You use the controller to steer you're person into the pizza. Where they eat it. The team that finishes more of the pizza before time's up...wins."

"Alright, Miroku! WE are gonna win this one! We're guys! How hard can eating a pizza be?"

"Yeah!" Miroku said...folding his arms and nodding his head.

Kagome and Sango rolled their eyes. "Watch and learn boys!"

"And...I hate to burst your bubble...but in Mario land...you guys are a bunch of prissy princesses...aka...GIRLS!"

"Alright, Inuyasha...we shall have to look at this differently...GO GIRLPOWER!!!!"

"What the fuck?! I'm not saying that!"

"FINE! I'll say it all on my lonesome."

Inuyasha turned away... "If I have to watch this...do it when I'm not looking."

Miroku raised his arms...and bowed.

"HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER! HALE GIRLPOWER!"

"Um...can we PLEASE start!?" Kagome and Sango cried out.

"Oh...ahem...yes."

3!

"OK! SANGO! SAME THING SAME THING!"

2!

"OK! KAGOME! SAME THING SAME THING!"

1!

GO!

Kagome and Sango started off right away, maneuvering their characters around the pizza in a pattern you could tell was practiced often.

"AH! NOOOOO!" Sango screamed.

"WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED?!"

"I MISSED A CRUMB!!!"

"AHHH!!! NOOOOO! HURRY GET IT!!! THE TIMER'S ALMOST OUT!"

"Miroku! They're beating us!" Inuyasha yelled, under his breath he muttered, "Stupid mantra...I knew it wasn't gonna work!"

"Ok! Inuyasha! Let's speed it up!"

The two boys moved their characters in random directions. Eating the pizza part that was the closest.

DING!

"Yoshi and Luigi win!"

"YAY!" the girls high-fived...but soon started screaming in dismay!

"Why are you guys crying?! You won!"

"Because..." Sango pointed a shaky finger to the screen, "WE LEFT A CRUMB!!!!!"

And so the torture began once again...they played it...over, and over, and OVER! Until no miniscule crumb was left uneaten. The boys laid on the floor...eyes swirling.

"Hey, Inu! I think I'm dying!"

"I think I've gone to hell...where am I?"

Then...Souta...Kagome's pesky little brother walked in...and accidentally pushed the reset button...took the game out and ACCIDENTALLY scraped his finger along the bottom of the game. TRANSLATION: he erased everything on the game!

Oh...if you could see Sango right now...yep she was mad...even more so than Kagome herself was.

"SOUTA!!!!!!!!" The neighborhood rang with the girl's voice...

(ONE WEEK LATER)

The four friends had joined up at Kagome's house. Kagome had built a special shrine dedicated to her lost game.

Sango and Kagome were sniffling like crazy.

Then...they all bent down to their knees and started begging for forgiveness...

Inuyasha looked at the girls strangely and then whispered to Miroku, "Girl's...they're like a completely different creature."

Miroku nodded in agreement.

--------------

AN: ok...now wasn't that an interesting chapter? It's actually a reenactment of what happens whenever me(depicted as Kagome) and DEVL41 (depicted as Sango) play Mario Party 3...hehe......anyways........also...DEVL's pesky little cousin, we call him "THE BUG" (cuz he has REALLY huge bug like glasses), erased all her game data for Mario Party 2...so I built a shrine to it...and we all prayed and offered it presents.... Hehe

PS: Sorry if the grammar is horrible...I was writing in a hurry!

PLZ REVIEW!


	4. I love you NOT!

AN: Ok...here's the next chappie...it's kinda mean since Kouga is the victim here...and Kikyo's high school character is brought into more perspective...But hey! At least it's better than inu being the victim! (Although devl41 really thought it should be...it's just...well, u'll see...)

And for my new story...two sides of a oneway mirror...I had suuccchhh a good start on it, but I'm already having my problems, so yeah...I'll work on it after I post this.

Crazy Bits!

By Crystaltears41090

Chapter 4-I love you!-NOT!

-------------------------

Kikyo sat on her couch at home with her new boyfriend, Kouga. He had soft black hair tied in a ponytail and a pair of beautiful blue eyes. Kikyo was semi-slouching in her comfy spot on the couch with Kouga's head in her lap. She was feeding him grapes.

"You don't really love me," he said.

"Yes I do! Do you think I do this for everyone?"

"Kikyo...I've SEEN you do this with everyone."

"Oh...well." She shrugged and picked up a potato chip, putting it in her mouth.

There was a noise at the door.

"Oh crap! My family's home!" She began gathering all the food and such and arranging them on the kitchen counter.

"Ok, Kouga, I think it's time my family meets you!"

"Oh..." Kouga began hesitantly.

"Don't worry. The family will love you...well, except maybe dad...just don't sit in his spot and it'll be fine."

"Where's his spot?" Kouga asked nervously.

Kikyo walked back to the counter putting more food down, "Well...I don't really remember..."

Suddenly, the family came into the room.

Kikyo walked behind Kouga and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, "Mom, Dad, this is Kouga."

Kaede immediately stepped up to greet him. Kouga took a seat on the couch. As Nobunga walked by, Kouga immediately sat up and lept out of the couch.

"This isn't your spot, is it sir?"

Nobunga looked at him, "Kid, this is my house. Everything's my spot."

----------------------

(later that night)

Kikyo walked Kouga out the door.

"Thanks for offering me some of that juice when we were in there Kik, my throat was getting really dry..."

"Kouga! I think my dad really likes you!"

Kouga walked Kikyo to a bench outside, "Never mind that Kikyo. I love you...and I want to ask you something."

"Yes Kouga?"

"I-I...no, you'll never..." he trailed off.

"Just tell me."

"Well, I want you to get a tattoo with my name on it."

"Where?"

"Anywhere! As long as it shows."

"Soooo...you mean, like, anywhere."

"Exactly."

"But my parents would KILL me! I can't!"

"Come on Kik! I'm getting one with your name on it!" Kouga gave her the best puppy face he could muster.

"Well—"

Kouga cut her off as he captured her lips in a passionate kiss.

They broke off and Kouga smiled at her.

"Ok."

-------------------

(Sunday)

"Kaede! You suck at baseball!"

"Oh Nobunga, it was CLOSE!"

Kikyo came up to her father. "Dad. I have something to ask you."

"It's not about sex is it? Cuz I know nothing about it."

"Oh, I know, mom told me. Don't worry daddy, it's not about sex."

"Ok, what is it?"

The pair sat down next to each other on the couch.

"Ok, dad, I'm gonna be_ totally_ honest with you. Let's say there's this girl, let's call her...Betty. So, she really likes this guy and he wants her to look a certain way for him. But she's not really sure if she wants to look this certain way—" Kikyo was about to continue when her dad interjected

"Kikyo, God separated the sexes. Don't ask me why..." Kikyo put her face in her hands...'Great...a speech?' "You see, he made women weak. Now there's nothing wrong with being a women, I'd rather be dead myself...But you see, why is it that it's always the girl that has to do something for the guy, instead of the guy doing something for the girl? But back to...Betty, as you call her, I don't think she should do this, especially if Betty, is _my_ little girl."

"Awww, thank you daddy." Kikyo said sweetly and rested her head on her father's shoulder.

Her dad shrugged away in disgust, "Yeah Yeah..." Then he ran next to the stairs, "Kaede, get in the hall, we're gonna work on some of your grounders."

"Aw, Nobunga, I don't wanna!"

"Come on! I talked to Kikyo didn't I, and god knows I never wanna talk to her." Nobunga marched up the stairs to go drag Kikyo's mom down to practice some baseball so maybe next week they would win.

Kikyo made sure no one was around before rushing off to the phone on the counter. She pulled out a slip of paper and dialed the number on it.

"Hello? Is this Marvin's Tattoo Parlor? Yes, I'd like to set up an appointment for next Sunday..."

-----------------------

(Next Sunday)

Nobunga marched through the door, fuming.

Kaede came in after him dragging a bag of baseball supplies. "I know, I know, I stink! But it was close!"

"Kaede...we lost to NUNS!"

Kaede marched up to her husband and put her hands on her hips, "I have never been more embarrassed in my life! In front of everyone, you told Sister Mary-Alice, 'Bless this, honey!'"

"I may not recognize all religious symbols, but I sure recognized the one she gave me," Nobunga called while walking toward the kitchen to grab a beer.

DING DONG!

"Well, I wonder who that could be."

Kaede walked to the door and open it. There in front of her stood a balding man with what was left of his black hair piled on his head. A skimpy mustache above his lip and piercing blue eyes stared at her. He wore a thick brown fake leather jacket and underneath he wore a polo t-shirt with jeans.

"Hi, Kaede."

"Um...hi..."

"You don't remember me, do you?"

She shook her head and laughed a little, "No"

"Let me give you a little hint, the night behind the aquarium."

Her face lighted up with a smile, "Oh! Craig!"

The man's smile faltered, "Uh, no..."

"Um...Ted!" Kaede tried to keep her smile in place.

"Uh...no..."

Her smile faltered again but she was still semi-smiling, "Rodrigo!"

"Uh, no."

"Oh, then you're gonna have to be a little more specific, hun"

"The name's Jimmy."

Kaede put another smile on and thought back 'Jimmy...hmmm, nope, didn't ring a bell'

But she pretended she remembered anyways, she didn't want to hurt his feelings, after all, "Oh! _That_ aquarium. Well, come on in."

Jimmy stepped inside and looked around in wonder.

"Well, Jimmy, meet my husband, Nobunga. Nobunga, this is...Jimmy, from the aquarium."

Jimmy stepped forward and shook hands with Nobunga getting closer to whisper, "You are a lucky man, Nobunga."

"Heh, yeah right."

Kaede shot Nobunga a death glare and turned around directing a big smile at Jimmy, "Jimmy, sit down and make yourself comfortable."

Jimmy sat down.

"So, Jimmy, want a beer?"

"Oh? Sure!"

Kaede grabbed the open beer bottle that Nobunga was just about to put to his mouth and handed it to Jimmy. Nobunga made a face at his wife but got up wordlessly and headed back to the kitchen"So, Jimmy, what brings you around here after all this time?"

"Well, I always wondered what became of you, so I looked you up." He got up and looked around "Who ever thought you'd be living in such a nice big house like this. I mean, I've never even been a house like this."

Nobunga walked past Jimmy and faced him, "So, how'd you let this one get away?"

Jimmy chuckled a little, "Actually, she dumped me."

"EaH? (BTW: It's not meant to say 'Iie' it's supposed to be pronounced like 'yeah' without the y) What'd you do?"

"Nothin really. It was just before the sophomore dance, I had rented a tux, a car, bought flowers. I got to her house just in time to see her cute lil bottom pull off in the back of a harley."

"Lemme get this straight, you think this house is big, but her bottom is—"

"Nobunga, Jimmy is speaking! And I didn't dump you, I just went out the backdoor with a cuter guy, ya know how kids are." Kaede said nonchalantly.

"Yeah, yeah, I can laugh about that now. Huhhehheh..." It came out more like a squeaky machine, or a retarded duck, or SOMETHING... "She didn't realize it them, but she was the love of my life."

"Hehhehheh." Nobunga laughed as if Jimmy had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"See how lucky ya'are Nobunga?" His wife asked.

"See how lucky you are?" He responded.

"Ya know, that night, I was comin to take you to the dance, I had something special to show you." Jimmy made his way near the door. "Take a look at this."

He slipped off his fake leather jacket to reveal a tattoo of an arrow piercing a red heart with the name Kaede in it.

Kaede's eyes lit up and she rushed over to Jimmy, "Jimmy! I'm so flattered! Well, look at that, Nobunga, he has _my_ name tattooed on his arm. You never did that."

"Well, maybe that's cuz I'm not insane like lord Jimbo over there." He sounded like he was really grossed out by Jimmy's actions and wanted him to leave...RIGHT AWAY!

"I'm going, I just wondered if you knew what it was like to go through your whole life with a tattoo of Kaede on your arm? I...I had to marry a girl named Kaede. A fat horse of a Kaede, you know, the type of woman who looks like she inhaled another woman. But, I guess we should all be grateful for what we have, ya know? I mean, you got a Kaede that's beautiful and fun. I got one that sleeps standing up. I can laugh about that now, though. Haah." He slowly made his way to the door. "Hey, we had fun in high school didn't we? Like the time I took you to that fancy restaurant and I put the roach in the food and we got our meal for free?" He beamed at her, as if recalling a dream.

"That's funny," Kaede said, "my daughter's dating a guy who did that."

Jimmy smirked, in a scary sort of way, "I know, that's my son. I can laugh about that now too." He opened the door and left two parents with a look of pure shock and horror in their eyes.

"Kaede, where's Kikyo?"

"I don't know, but I think she may be out with Kouga!"

"Oh that's greeaaat! My daughter's out with a spawn of Norman Bates and sea biscuit. I shoulda killed him when he drank my juice!"

"We better go find her."

Just as Kaede said that, the door opened. Look who's right on time: Lil bro Naraku to the rescue!

"Dad! I've got a good one, so good, I won't even charge you. Now guess where Kikyo is. Eliminate the obvious like the backseat, the bushed...jail. Now guess." A few seconds passed... "Ok, time's up. She's getting a tattoo."

Kaede turned dramatically towards her husband.

"Yup. I saw her and Kouga going to the tattoo parlor. They were testing her arm. Should I bring down your belt?"

"Nobunga, you gotta do something!"

Nobunga rushed over next to the closet and grabbed a baseball bat that had been conveniently laying (or is it lying?) around.

"Ooooo! This is much better than a belt!"

"I'm gonna go stop Kikyo, then I'm gonna go find ole Jimbo and knock one outta the park! Now where's this tattoo parlor?"

"It's the one next to the night club that says 'Girls, Girls, Girls.' Now you go down—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know where it is."

He flew out the door still holding the baseball bat in a death grip.

As soon as the door had closed, Naraku ran up the stairs.

"Naraku, where are you going?"

"I'm moving my stuff into my dead sister's room." He answered grinning like a madman.

------------------------

(Later)

Kikyo walked through the door looking like she was in a fowl mood. A few steps into the house, she heard, "Kikyo...show me your arm."

"Who spotted me?"

A "dum dum dum dum duuum" tune could be heard from upstairs and a pile of Kikyo's clothes came flying down the stairs.

"Hey! Those are my clothes!"

"Never mind that, Kikyo. Now show me your arm."

"Oh mom, I didn't get the tattoo. See, on the way to the tattoo parlor, Kouga told me the whole story and a funny thing happened; we really did fall in love and we both decided to get tattooed."

"But...you realized how upset me and your father would get."

Kikyo stared at her mother like she'd gone crazy then shook her head nonchalantly, "No...ya see, when Kouga was getting his tattoo, I saw...the _cutest_ guy and we fell in _love_! So...I went outside and we drove away in his Dominoes' pizza truck together. I mean, mom, **_this_** is the real thing!"

"Ah, Kikyo...you really are turning into a fine young woman."

The two headed over to the couch and sat down, crossing their legs simultaneously.

"Yeah, and now, both those geeks have tattoos."

They laughed and Kaede suddenly stopped. "Well, I kinda feel sorry for Kouga; he's gonna have to go through his whole life with a tattoo of 'Kikyo' on his arm."

A moment of silence...

"Oh well, as long as we're happy!"

Kikyo leaned her head on Kaede's shoulder, "You know mom? I feel closer to you than ever."

Kaede shrunk away from her, "Honey! My hair!"

A sound from upstairs that sounded like a clothes drawer being pulled out of a room.

Kikyo looked up, "Excuse me mom." And she ran up the stairs to kill her lil bro.

A moment later, the door opened to reveal the angry father with the baseball bat. He plopped down next to his wife. "Well, good news. I went to the tattoo parlor, Kikyo didn't get the tattoo."

"I know. Kikyo told me. Did you find Jimmy?"

"Yeeahhh. I followed Kouga to his house and I was gonna knock off Jimmy's head when She came out of the kitchen. Kaede, Her face was in a jello mold; she was wearing a muumuu, but it had to be slit so she could fit into it. I mean, I thought the least I could do was let him live." His head towards his now suddenly looking sooo beautiful wife, "Kaede, have I ever told you how beautiful ya are?"

"Oh, Nobunga!"

The two sat on the couch and shared a kiss.

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AN: So.........how'd ya like it? Review please...maybe...


	5. Rainbow Pride

AN: Wrote this for vocab with my friend, Mallory, it's short, but I found it funny. Ok? It's pointless and KIND OF twists off of Rozefire's story of Inu getting shot in a gay bar. Mind you, we don't have anything against homosexuals.

Enjoy!

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(Jakotsu's POV) 

"May I remind you that anything you say may be used as evidence against you in a court of law?" the police officer said to me, the culprit, because I was responsible for the crime.

Those were the acrimonious, or bitter, words that I will never forget. Those were the words that kept me away from my beloved Inuyasha for so long.

Here is my story: It was a hot day in May when I first met Inuyasha in a meadow rampant with beautiful blooming spring flowers. The moment I gazed into his tantalizing amber orbs, I fell in love. I was inane with the fact that my feelings were returned. For the next six months, Inuyasha and I had a clandestine relationship because Inuyasha insisted his parents be kept in the dark, for they would be ashamed of his being gay. Despite that fact, I did not have to put duress into making Inuyasha want to be with me, too.

One day, we were hanging out at a gay bar and having a good time. Inuyasha suddenly told me he had a present for me in the car, and I quickly concurred to his temporarily leaving. I was extremely pleased he was thoughtful enough to remember to buy me a gift for my birthday; I had reminded him plenty of times and was thankful that I would not have to admonish him for his forgetfulness. But he didn't return, and soon I had to go and check on him. Much to my surprise, I found him sucking face with a _girl_! This would not be tolerated, and his actions would not go with impunity. I was distraught that my one and only love was cheating on me with a member of the opposite sex. His duplicity caused me to exclaim in anger, "Inuyasha, you TRAITOR!"

Inuyasha then exclaimed in anger as well, "You were the one who misconstrued the fact that I was gay! I thought you were a girl, but now I understand it all…the gay bar, the facial hair, the five o'clock shadow…Besides, the thought of being gay is so flagrant, I would never even consider it!"

"But you knew how I thought girls were pernicious, and I hate them!" Suddenly, I went against my code of ethics and pulled out a gun and shot at my love in a fit of blind rage.

His girlfriend had already called the cops by the time I'd realized what I'd done. They showed up and carted me off to jail where I spent the next seven years in misery.

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AN: Yes, pointless...But I haven't updated in a while, and it was funny! It must've gotten a few giggles out of you! Anyways, review please! 


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